


The Highest Bidder

by NotASpaceAlien



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Books, Gen, Short, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-19
Updated: 2015-12-19
Packaged: 2018-05-07 13:51:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5458802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotASpaceAlien/pseuds/NotASpaceAlien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Crowley is good at using ebay, but maybe not as good as he thought</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Highest Bidder

**Author's Note:**

> On tumblr at http://not-a-space-alien.tumblr.com/post/129540756195/some-heavenly-or-hellish-artifact-is-being-sold

The things you can find on ebay are amazing.

Crowley leaned back in his seat, sipping his tea.  A manuscript of psalms from the 17th century, signed?  Oh, yeah, this is something the angel would like.  And Crowley smugly knew that the angel would never spend this kind of money on something like this, because he would feel guilty about it.*   Well, Crowley was immune to guilt, and he was going to spectacularly top whatever present Aziraphale was getting for him.  He had the money.  Besides, it was free shipping.

* * *

*Crowley didn’t realize exactly how much the angel had grown capable of discarding the feelings he was _supposed_ to have.  Aziraphale was now an expert at being selfish the same way Crowley had taught himself to be generous, and Crowley wasn’t paying attention enough to note it despite the fact that he was indulging in some very un-demonic behavior at the moment.

* * *

He placed a bid, confident, because who on earth else would be trying to buy this thing?  


A few minutes later, a notification popped up saying that, surprisingly, he had been outbid.

“What the devil?” he said, clicking furiously.  He upped his auto-bid and left it, only to come back and find he had been outbid again.  He grumbled under his breath and upped his bid again.  


But he once again was losing.

“Listen!” he said, fuming at the increasing numbers on the screen.  “I don’t know what you need it for, but I need it for my friend!  He’s a nerd and a loser!  You can’t possibly enjoy it more than he would enjoy it!  I need it more than you do!  It’s for the best for everyone if you let me have it!”  


The numbers on the screen were oblivious, continuing to tick upwards.

“Okay, then,” he said, smiling evilly.  


At a very precise date and time later, he was again in front of the computer, staring at the countdown timer on the auction.

When it had three seconds left, he entered his bid.

“Congratulations!” the screen flashed at him.  “You are the highest bidder!”  He put his arms behind his head and smiled, feeling satisfied with himself.  


* * *

“Angel!” he sung out as he entered the shop.  He hid the box behind his back.  


Aziraphale popped up from behind the counter.  “Hello, my dear!”  He waved as he disappeared into the back room.  “Stay right there, I have something for you.”

Crowley set his package on the counter and leaned until Aziraphale came back with a tiny box with a big red bow.  “This is what, the…”  He did some calculations on his fingers.  “The 995th anniversary of the Arrangement?  Goodness, we _are_  getting old.”

Aziraphale said they were getting old with every noting of the calendar.  Crowley smiled and tapped the box Aziraphale was holding.  “So is that…?”

“Oh, yes,” he said, sliding the box toward the demon.  “For you.”  


Crowley opened it to find a beautiful gold brooch in the shape of a snake, diamonds embedded for eyes.  “Angel, I love it!” he said.  It was gaudy, but he immediately fastened it to his tie.

Aziraphale was radiating contentedness.  “I’m glad.”

Crowley slid his box over.  “And for you.”

Aziraphale ripped it open, then stared at the manuscript in the box, his face growing darker and darker.  Crowley began to think he must have done something wrong in transporting it, or that the book had damage only the angel would have noticed.  Aziraphale’s head whipped up and he said angrily, “It was _you!_ ”

“Erm,” said Crowley, not sure what he had done wrong.  


“I spent three days trying to get this book!” he shouted.  “And someone kept outbidding me!”  


“You…you’re on ebay…?” said Crowley.  


“Crowley, you don’t have to sound so surprised–I _do_  own a computer you know!”  He sniffed indignantly, then looked down at the book again.  “Well, at the very least you’re very perceptive about what my tastes are.”  


Crowley was growing red, and Aziraphale put the book down, shook himself, and smiled.  “I mean– It was very thoughtful of you.  I love it.”

The incident was not mentioned again, but Crowley noted that his ebay username had been written on a sticky note, circled with the words “BID SNIPER” and an arrow pointing to it, and posted above Aziraphale’s computer.


End file.
